Monday, December 6, 2010

Wife does not Buy In‏

Hola Ferfal!

Greeting from Atlanta! My lovely wife works in the Health Insurance buisiness, and has been in the 'financial' sector for 13 years..Recently, while listening to Glenn Beck I asked her opinion
on the possibilities of full scale SHTF here in the USA. We have a goodly amount of $$ saved up in our 401K's, Roth Ira and a small savings account. I asked her if we should curb our deposits
into these things, to put more in savings to hedge against the falling dollar. Her response was that 'Glenn Beck is paranoid' and I shouldn't let him get me 'all worked up'. She even sent me this
link to an economist that doesn't think our economy will melt down:

What do you do to prepare if your spouse does not believe that were in for tough times? I love my wife, and I'm not going to leave her or my son. But did you know of anyone down there that blindly
ignored the warning signs after being told to prepare, and what happened? Did your wife buy into the 'preparedness' scenario right away? In my area of Atlanta, we have seen a BIG increase of violent home invasions, yet she wont go to the range with me to learn how to shoot out pistol. What to do?

Thanks and be safe


Hi Evan, of course, if you don’t take action now don’t expect miracles in the future. As the economy gets worse you’ll suffer the consequences for not preparing. If the economy collapses, yes, people have lost their homes, saw their money devaluate to nothing. There’s people that lost everything. Lost their jobs, lost their savings, sold what they had to survive afterwards and then had nothing, no place to live in and no income.
What do you do to prepare if your spouse does not believe that we’re in for tough times? You prepare anyway. You do what you believe is your duty as a father and husband. Stocking up on food (go for a year’s worth if you can afford it) , storing water, putting some money aside every month, both cash and precious metals. Can you protect your family?
Surplus Glock22  $350
A surplus S&W 38 revolver will cost you 250 USD. Another $50 and you have 50 rounds of good ammo. A surplus Glock can be had for $350  After a safety class you’ll at least have a weapon in case you need it during social unrest. These, along with some gear such as flashlights, camping gear, first aid kit, are the minimum so as to take care of your responsibilities as a husband and father. It has little to do with what your wife believes, you just do what you think you have to. Afterwards you can explain what you do and what you plan on keep doing to your wife. She may agree with you or not to some extent, but if she loves you she’ll understand these are things you just had to do so as to feel you where providing for your family as best as you can. This situation is far from ideal, but there’s no ideal families. The important thing is doing what you know you MUST do to prepare, at least achieve a basic, common sense degree of preparedness.
People that blindly ignore the obvious? Yes, not good. My neighbor, she sure doesn’t have guns in her house, you could say it’s a “gun free zone”. They suffered several home invasion and her daughters were raped. Bad things happen. With a bit of luck, it just doesn’t happen to you, but these things happen every day. The difference is that with more crime luck runs out fast.

“In my area of Atlanta, we have seen a BIG increase of violent home invasions, yet she wont go to the range with me to learn how to shoot out pistol. What to do?”

You can show here these type of news every time it happens in your area. Eventually sit down with her and have a serious conversation. People that suffer home invasions are left with a feeling of fear that stays with them a long time. They feel violated, unsafe. Lets not even talk about what happens when these animals torture, kill and rape. They might as well shoot you in the head, your life is ruined. You have a pistol and go to the range so I believe you already made up your mind about how to deal with such a violent encounter. Your wife needs to at least know how to safely handle a firearm if she has to defend herself.
A marriage is also a society. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t particularly enjoy, but you do it anyway because you understand the other person’s concern.
You seem to be doing things right. Have a conversation with her and explain her what concerns you. I’m sure that while not completely on board, she’ll understand. My wife isn’t particularly fond of guns. Soon after we got married I explained to her how to use my Glock 31. She said ok but that she wasn’t going to use it anyway. A few days later I came back home and found my Glock on the kitchen table. Someone had made noise, shook the street door, probably tried to open it so she quickly grabbed the gun. What if that happened to your wife? Most doors, specially in USA, they can be kicked down VERY easily.
Take care and good luck, hope your wife understands these concerns,



CapnRick said...

Yep... it's a problem. My wife is anti-drama, and thinks Fernando and I are just being dramatic about the possibility of a disaster or meltdown. When we were in Miami Beach, I had a carry permit. Here in Argentina, I don't have a gun. When I set out on a quest to get gold on deposit with a credible source that would be able to cover the cost of a year's food at today's prices, I had to endure a bit of lip... but, I did it anyway. I also put rejas... metal security barriers... on all the windows and armored the outside doors. I also built in some nooks to hide mall amounts of currency, silver coins and gold. While my wife was quite vocal about the changes, she recognized my need to do it. She respected my protective instincts.

Go ahead and do it any way you can... with or without her agreement. As Ferfal says... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!

A female friend of ours in Houston was sleeping alone in her apartment one night while her boyfriend was out of town. She was awakened by a big guy with a knife who slapped her around a bit and raped her. When he left her in bed alone to go to the bathroom, she broke out the window and escaped naked and screaming into the night. The police never caught the guy.

She bought a pistol that next day. When her boyfriend came home, she told him what happened. When she showed him the new pistol, he packed up and left... saying that he would not live in the same house with a firearm.

And so it goes...

Jack said...

Generally speaking, if you've got "a goodly amount of $$ saved up in our 401K's, Roth Ira and a small savings account", then you probably also have some discretionary money you spend each month on hobbies and entertainment. Use that money to start a new hobbies 'camping''IPSC shooting''ju jitsu', etc.

Also, a lot of survival/prepper skills don't take a lot of money, but take some time, like 'running''hiking''practicing skills you already have''primitive skills', etc.

The biggest thing that helps me with the wife is the hurricanes that come roaring through every couple of years. I just tell my wife that most of the preps like the generator, water filters, and extra food are INSURANCE in case we get a direct hit.

Remember, it's not just the economy, it's drought, flood, tornado, hurricane, crime wave, serious unemployment, etc. - all of which have occurred to some extent in Atlanta during the past 5 years.

Don Plata said...

Great question and answer. If your wife is not on board, just do what you need to do and don't try to convince her too much. There is no need to get her upset. Prepare for the worst. Don't go crazy. Have fun and live your life. Reality will present itself and she will be glad that her man got prepared.

parabarbarian said...

I know how Evan feels. My wife is only now just coming to accept just how bad the future may be. She has always accepted preparing for temporary conditions like earthquakes (we live in California), unemployment, even minor civil unrest. However, a long term depression was just too much until recently. My advice to Evan is to keep giving his wife a chance to participate in preparations. When she begins realizing the true extent of the danger, she will have a better idea of what to do instead of thrashing around in a panic.

Adventures in Self Reliance said...

We have been fighting this for a couple of years. I was the spark, I knew stuff might get bad and I suffered my own little crisis becoming 100% disabled. I found you ferfal and you provided me direction not a Zombie/nuclear Apocalypse just a collapse. Mom came on board early but the rest of the family not so much. Now my brother is being foreclosed on, yet I'm the "wingnut".
How about not going to the grocery store for a couple of months, buying everything on sale cause you don't need it today but will need it in the future. Shopping only 1 or 2 times a month and not fighting crowds cause you shop when you want to not cause you have too. Baking your own bread having cheap and clean veggies and fruit. Saving money all over the place. I know I'm looked at being a loon but when my dog got sick and had a medical bill the same as half my monthly income I stretched the total bill over 6 weeks and ate my storage for 2 months. There is no contest, and that was just my dog I can just imagine if it was a child or a parent.

Anonymous said...

Great blog, FerFal. Thank you.

With regard to the reader who wants to prep and the spouse doesn't go along... it's best to just make small preps, consistently over time, and not make a big deal about it.

[I know you've said the same thing]

Some people are just not wired to handle big issues/problems ahead of time. If you grow up in a war zone, it's no big deal. But for many others, all you can do as the head of household is take on the role of provider/protector and have backup stuff in place.

My girlfriend understands where I'm coming from. But she isn't into prepping whole heartedly. She's more concerned with the kids day-to-day. But--I know if things get bad her/kids will be crying with no course of action.

So...just do what you can. You don't have to get complete buy-in on preparing for hard times.

Wolfen aka "Ravenwolf31" said...

How about prepping for the smaller stuff, like bad weather, a broken down car, or power outage? Could use that as a start. That is what I prep for.

John Peterson said...

That's good advice FerFAL. I'm in the same boat with my wife. I've been proceeding slowly forward.

I should mention, although I do see a long road of hard times ahead, I think an overnight collapse of the dollar is unlikely in the US. However, I also think it's unlikely my home will burn down. Yet, I still have home insurance with coverage for all sorts of stuff that I'm sure will not happen to my home. I don't know which is more likely to happen. However, I do know some of the the consequences for not preparing...


peter blandings said...

at first mine was dead set against guns. she hated the fact that i had my beretta. i was determined to get something for her. i bought a buck mark .22lr semi-auto and insisted she come to the range with me. i told her she didn't have to shoot, but just come along. i started out shooting the buck mark. after she saw how easy it was to operate and that it didn't explode in my hand, she asked if she could try it. she went thru 2 magazines and loved it. now she shoots the 9mm frequently. i honestly believe that you should start women out on a .22. it's not a big deal but it gives them an introduction. i would definitely NOT start them out on a 9mm or even a .38. when you pull the trigger on larger bores it's a big deal for someone who's never fired a weapon. especially for a woman who doesn't like guns by nature the same way men don't want to sit through a ballet. so my advice is to get a .22 pistol or revolver and then bribe her with whatever you have to, to get her to just COME TO THE RANGE. that's all. if you have to take her out to dinner and a movie in exchange, fine. do it. once she's at the range, i can almost guarantee she'll want to try the .22. and then give her time. eventually she'll want to shoot your 9mm. it's just like seduction. you can't just go at it; you gotta tell 'em they're pretty and kiss 'em on the cheek a few times. ease them into it. before you know it, she'll be a better shot than you are. mine is.

Anonymous said...

Evan I would seriously take your money out of your 401k and take the short term losses. They will be one of the first things the governement goes to if things start to go sharply down hill economically. Why not put it all in gold? It's totally guaranteed vs inflation.

Anonymous said...

I think most of the reason why people make fun of preppers is just 'whistling in the graveyard'. They just can't admit to anybody that things JUST MIGHT get bad, and have to make fun of efforts made to prep.

I see prepping as insurance. Regardless if economy tanks and civilization takes a vacation, you still have to eat. Still have to drink. Medical problems will still occur. And prices are almost ALWAYS going up. Prepping only equips you to deal with these eventualities, and be smart with buying with low prices now.

DaShui said...

A few years from now this won't be a problem, its just in certain countries haven't seen hard times in a long while. I worked in a bank and occasionally some person would come in with wads of 100 dollar bills that dated from the fifties and sixties. It was their recently deceased parent's(who lived through the depression) horded money they found hidden around the house. Too bad their parents didn't buy gold or coins instead, it would be worth a lot more today.

Anonymous said...

+1 to DaS...
buy gold NOW...don't save dollars.
sorta like the old iPhone vs Apple
controversy. if you bought an iPhone
at the beginning OR Apple Stock for
the same price, today you would have an old/old/old iPhone OR $10K in stock. buy metals now and have lots later. actually, buy canned food.
gold don't taste good.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you guys, am in the same spot. My wife becomes enraged when she sees my pistol or I even mention the possibility that the country could be in bad shape. I have sneakily acquired ammo, food in basement, gold coins, lots of info, but she is impossible and even mentioning a news article about the economy causes a big hassle.

People grow in different directions over the decades, sometimes. Not a good spot.

Unhappy husband.

thsu said...

Women and firearms....

The best way I have found, to get a woman used firearms is to....

Have another woman teach her how to shoot.

Better yet, have a group of women show her how to shoot.

Trust me on this one, getting other women to show her the ropes works *amazingly* well.

That's how I did it with my wife, back when she was my girlfriend, back when she was scared to death around guns.

I convinced her to come to me to my Cowboy Action Shooting group, which is comprised of mainly older (read 50ish) *couples*. The other women just took her under their wing, like as if she were a younger sister, or a niece, and just showed her the ropes.

Because they completely did not fit into any of her preconceived notions about gun owners, it broke down her mental barriers about guns in ways that I never could have done.