Sunday, February 7, 2010

Security for Women

Anonymous said...

Let me start by saying that I am a woman, and I completely understand fears about kidnappings, sexual assaults, or worse. However, I found this post sad and disturbing for many reasons.

I disagree very much with the idea of intentionally making yourself ugly to avoid being a crime victim. The main reason it disturbs me is because, for most people, it's demoralizing and damaging to your self-confidence to intentionally let your looks go. When you know you look like a troll, you start to feel like it to. Don't believe me? Go put on your Sunday best and look at yourself in the mirror. Who doesn't get a small boost in confidence when they see themselves looking pretty damn good? People generally feel better when they look their best.

Now I'm sure at this point someone is thinking that I'm materialistic, shallow, consumerist, etc. I'm far from it--I really don't care what you wear. My entire point here is that in a SHTF situation, you're going to want to want every shred of self-confidence and positive thinking you can muster up. Taking extreme measures such as gaining weight (which, btw, is just all-around bad advice, sorry) is going to put you at a psychological disadvantage for survival.

You don't have to sacrifice your looks to protect yourself. Let me tell you about how I protect myself. First and foremost, I carry a gun and a knife with me at all times, and I have taken self-defense classes. I keep myself in shape in case I need to run or fight. I'm extremely vigilant when I go out, keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. I keep myself free of distractions while in public, like cell phones and iPods. I wear sensible footwear and sensible clothing. By "sensible clothing", I mean nothing flashy, expensive, or provocative. I can easily blend into a crowd.

Notice how nowhere in the above paragraph did I mention gaining weight, wearing baggy clothing, or generally looking like a hag. If you want to do that stuff, go right ahead, but please don't fall into the trap of believing that you NEED to take those measures in order to be safe. You don't.

Furthermore, I take offense at the underlying implication in the original post that ugly women are less likely to be victimized. This is perpetuating the myth that attractive women are just "asking for it" by looking sexy. This has been debunked many times over. Men do not rape for sex; they rape because they get off on control, domination, and power. They can just as easily get that from someone who is utterly repulsive. And let's not forget that sexual assaults and kidnappings are most often committed by people who know the victim. In these cases, looking unattractive isn't going to save your butt.

February 7, 2010 1:03 PM

Thanks for that comment. Lots of good advice right there.
I couldn’t get my wife to dress bad or make herself ugly even if I tried, so no, I don’t think its shallow at all. I think it does boost your self confidence and your morale as you mention.
Staying in fighting/running shape, having shoes and clothes for that as well, and being religious about carrying your weapons sure is the way to go.
I’m not so sure about rapists and the way they choose their victims. Each monster seems to have its particular perversion and no one, of any age or appearance is safe.
There’s rapists that have raped 80 year old grandmas and stay within that pattern for whatever messed up reason they have in their heads, others even rape babies, but I’d say that the most common type of rapist prefers young women.
Then again, as you mentioned, most rapes are perpetuated by people that knew the victim, often they are relatives. I’d say you have a pretty broad popuri of freaks out there, but for some reason the rapist going after young girls is more common that the one going after the grandmas. No, not saying its the victims fault, just saying what happens most often.
Here’s the link to the excerpt about rape in my book, The Modern Survival Manual, with some advice for women, including some advice from a rape victim: link.



Anonymous said...

1st off if you have got fit, a weapon and situational awareness. You no longer walk like a victim. I never thought anyone needed to downgrade their appearance to not be a victim.
Don't appear to be a victim is the 1st rule. Self confidence and a positive attitude translate more into not being a victim than anything else.
Some of these folks rape and steal from 80 year old women. They are looking for victims. A few times that old broads fight back and those tuff guys run like the curs they are.
So sister, pack walk tall and proud, and kill any MF who dares to mess with you.

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Anonymous said...

The favored ploy of a closed mind will often eliminate any real possibility of learning by the need to criticize and critique, often giving their "2 cents worth", when it is not warranted nor needed.

Everyone has something to offer, *therefore we can all learn from each other, if we truly take the time to listen, and maybe we can even learn something instead of using the opportunity to criticize or critique another's experience.

Anonymous said...

I think the most useful advice and also at least to me the most mysterious to develop, is a woman's fighting spirit.

Women are taught to be submissive so whenever confronted they back down from violence. How do you teach a woman to fight back when threatened? Is it just a case of making her scream and punch pillows and later practice on hitting guys? Does anyone know someone who addresses this?

Don Williams said...

Re Anon's comment at 11:21 PM:
"How do you teach a woman to fight back when threatened? Is it just a case of making her scream and punch pillows and later practice on hitting guys? Does anyone know someone who addresses this?"
1) There is not so much difference between men and women, in my opinion. Most men have been beaten and intimidated by larger or more skilled opponents in the schoolyard while growing up. Most men do not have military service --and most men with military service are not trained as warriors.

2) There are several things that make people freeze in fear in a fight. Among those are
a) lack of knowledge of how to fight, including how to fight a larger opponent --due to lack of training
b) lack of experience in fighting --due to lack of sparring
c) being surprised --due to lack of awareness
d) fear of being prosecuted by law enforcement , if you do use effective methods or a weapon

3) A good self-defense instructor should fix a-c and a talk with a lawyer should fix (d). The remedies needed for women are the same as for men.

An unfortunate situation often arises, however, where law enforcement does not protect people --but prosecutes them if they protect themselves.

However, women sometimes have an advantage in that police may allow a woman to carry a weapon (e.g, gun) that they would deny to a man.

4) I am not an expert, but in my opinion, Factor (c)--Surprise-- is most important. It is important not just to be aware of one's surroundings when outside the house --to not daydream -- but to also use foresight and exert Control over one's situation.

People often get into trouble by getting lost while driving --because they did not consult a map -- and ending up in a bad neighborhood.

Or having a car break down at night because it has not been maintained.

Or giving trust to a stranger when it is not warrented and justified.

5) Note also that some good defense instructors will not only have students spar --but will Role Play as an opponent. I.e, will imitate a street attacker when attacking you by utter menacing insults and having frightening expressions.

6) If you can find a sympathetic policeman, he may be able to give you a lead to a good instructor. The policemen themselves have to be trained.

Uncle George said...

Although lifestyles and social circumstances may not permit it, having a medium to large size dog with you when out of the house would likely reduce your chances of being attacked or raped to near 0.

We have had Boxers for years and my wife has taken one in the car with her when out driving in the evening. I always take my Boxer on walks, bicycling and hiking.

We are considering acquiring a Dogo Argentino, since our Boxer is getting on in years and had to have a number of his teeth extracted last year.

A dog has much keener hearing and sense of smell than a human and can watch your back while you are out walking. I have never had a problem when accompanied by my dog.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ferfal, love your blog. I had to write in on this one. I was a rape crisis counselor for several years, and I can tell you that young attractive girls being the primary victims is a huge myth. The victims whom I met in emergency rooms ranged in age from babies to senior citizens, men and women, rich and poor, all races and religions. The only thing they had in common was the same thing all victims have in common for all crimes - the perpetrator had the opportunity and chose to commit the crime. Please tell your readers not to lure themselves into a false sense of security by dressing in baggy clothes or not wearing ponytails. Since 90% of sexual assaults are committed by people the victim knows, you're much better off learning some simple self defense and having the guts to punch your creepy old Uncle in the nose if he tries anything.